Don't shit where you eat......

Do the Bard and yourself a favor: Don’t ever date a married woman. Bad idea…real bad. In fact, don’t even go near them. You say, no, you don’t understand, this is different, this is an exception to the rule. Nope. It isn’t. Trust me, your judgment has been clouded like a Seattle winter. But they are separated? She is living on her own? Again, not gonna happen. She has filed the papers? The divorce is imminent? Sorry. Still no.

Might as well piss in the wind….on an electric fence….while standing in a kiddie pool full of water….in the middle of a hurricane. Cause after the storm, you are just left there standing with your dick in your hand.

My recent dating history will make the case for eternal damnation if the Lord above choses it. In the past 3 years, I have been pretty much single, dating around, making similar mistakes like the paragraph above. I’ll just share the highlights. Except for number one, I found out these things after the fact.

1. See paragraph one.

2. Lived with boyfriend, who was out of town a lot. Was told they had an “understanding”.

3. He cheated. She wanted to get even.

4. He couldn’t fuck. Or wasn’t “sensual” enough. Well, neither am I if I don’t like you anymore.

5. It was getting boring. She wasn’t feeling special anymore. Once specialized, she found his money to be special enough.

Your heart wants to nurse that little wounded Doe back to health. And you want to feel needed. It is suffering, it needs help. It feels alone, tired, vulnerable, and warm. Maybe you give it a sip of water, you see the look in its eyes and can’t help to think it might be hungry too. You fix the cuts, mend the wounds, and urge it back on its feet. But then the little Philly realizes that all the damage caused to her was self-inflicted…And a surge of guilt comes rushing over…..Maybe they were the one that was wrong. Maybe they should go see the Pater Familius and beg forgiveness. Once lit, the fire has no need of the match.

I am aware of one exception to this rule. However, the stud-muffin who pulled it off was a shark fighting, race car building, Brad Pitt/ George Clooney/ David Beckham mix of a man, who also stars in commercials, wrestles bucking broncos for fun, and pisses excellence.

As my one of my so called college friends told me, when I inquired about a mutual friend of ours that I used to date and was feeling like rekindling that flame: “Oh, yeah, sorry, she is dating a real man now, so you don’t have a chance.” That’s what friends are for….so keep smiling, keep shining…..

I have yet to date a woman in Seattle without motives. By that I mean, I never entered into the equation of choice. Everything was either revenge, loneliness, boredom, or a combination thereof. A pre-meditated failure designated for temporary status.… I never stood a chance. If you start creating problems or having issues in the course of one of these adventures, you become no longer useful. If they wanted a real relationship, they would have stayed at home.
Yeah, I know some part of me must seek it out…or maybe I look that desperate and easy.

Oh, yeah, from paragraph one….if you take all that and add the fact that you work with that evil sex kitten temptress as well? All the lessons learned seem to disappear with one in the hall run in…..man I am a sucker.

So if you are yelling, “Bullshit! Not all women are this way!” Send me a comment with your number, I assure you my intentions are pure.

And if you are yelling, “What a jack-ass pig! Who does this ass-hole think he is?” Send me a comment with your number, I assure you my intentions are pure.